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Men's Secret Wars, by Patrick A. Means
PDF Ebook Men's Secret Wars, by Patrick A. Means
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Now repackaged and updated, this ground-breaking book talks honestly about the real issues facing Christian men, including stress, unhealthy relationships, and temptation.
- Sales Rank: #941133 in Books
- Published on: 2006-08-01
- Released on: 2006-08-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .65" w x 5.50" l, .89 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
A must-read for every man who longs for integrity and intimacy- and for every woman who longs to love and be loved by a man of such caliber -- Carmen Renee Berry, author of Whos to Blame? and the best-selling Girlfriends: Invisible Bonds, Enduring Ties
Pats book is an invitation to new life and a loving hand to guide us toward healing -- Stephen A. Hayner, president, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship
Reveals how we are not alonehow we share the same fears and heartaches behind our masculine facades -- Les Parrot III, Ph.D., author of High-Maintenance Relationships
From the Back Cover
Real honesty about the real issues men face
Many men are fighting secret wars against workaholism, sexual addictions, substance abuse, pornography, and extramarital affairs. Most are reluctant to seek help. But men don't have to struggle alone and become casualties. They can win these battles.
Through the candid stories of Patrick Means and other men who have fought similar battles, you can learn to recognize the "at risk" factors that precede the development of a secret life and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your struggle. This new edition includes new writing from the author, along with the Personal Growth Plan and a leader's guide for small groups and counselors.
"Reveals how we are not alone-how we share the same fears and heartaches behind our masculine facades."--Les Parrot III, Ph.D., author of High-Maintenance Relationships
"An invitation to new life and a loving hand to guide us toward healing."--Stephen A. Hayner, president, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship
"Pat's courage on speaking the truth will lead to steps of freedom for many men."--Gregg Jantz, executive director, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.
About the Author
Patrick A. Means is executive director of Courageous Living, a Seattle-based radio, seminar, and leadership training ministry. He is the former U.S. director of Campus Crusade for Christ, cofounder of the National Association for Christian Recovery, and a
Most helpful customer reviews
42 of 54 people found the following review helpful.
Courageous in the Christian cultural contex, but falls short
By A Customer
I commend Patrick Means for what he is attempting to do. And, in fact, he does make a good presentation of the various challenges men face in society today, and, for the most part, have faced throughout history. It's a good summary and that alone, for many, will be worth the time and effort to read it, i.e., it's a good first step towards awareness if that's where you are.
Where Means really hits his stride is in the chapter "Living the Secret Life," in which he outlines the pain, misery and isolation of sin, and the elaborate ways we cover for ourselves, physically, socially and psychologically, and how cover-up leads to even more damage. Unfortunately, it is a comparatively short chapter and is not backed up with much detail. I wish this chapter went on for much longer (perhaps even an entire book), because I've been there, and I get great comfort from hearing others' experiences and learning how they made it out of the pit. (For those interested see: St. Augustine's Confessions and Merton's The Seven Story Mountain)
The real reason for the low rating, however, is that right when I think Means is going to step up to the plate and be brave (in the context of Christian culture) in his recommendations for recovery, he completely wimps out. What do I mean by this? He backs off from saying MANY MEN, SPECIFICALLY INCLUDING CHRISTIAN MEN, WOULD BENEFIT GREATLY FROM PSYCHOTHERAPY, and trudges right back to emphasizing the modification of external behaviors and praying better and harder! (Ok, I'm oversimplifying, but that's essentially what he says.) He avoids directly addressing therapy, which may seem a little thing, but it is not. And my guess is, the author knows it!
What was so disappointing was that throughout the book the author makes statements such as, "Compartmentalization is one of the most sophisticated mechanisms our mind uses to accomplish self-deception," "because it doesn't deal with the whole person, one-dimensional recovery only drives the pain underground," and, the most hopeful, "Christians have done a fair job of applying God's truth to our external behavior...but we have done a much poorer job in applying the truth to the vast interior of our hearts and minds: our thought life and self-talk, our motivations, our damaged emotions."
Then, in one casual and almost serendipitous reference, he says, "God has used the headlamp of many Christian therapists and authors to help me see the pattern of pain..." And that's it, that's basically all he says about therapy. He never even recommends seeing one if you need to. Why does Means pull back? The only answer I can come up with is that outward pressure of some sort has compelled him not to put that in there, when, in fact, therapy--even by an atheist--can unlock things inside of you that open your heart to God and to Jesus. It happened to me! And it just irks me to no end to see a book like this where all logic says that therapy should be part of the solution, but the author does not have the courage to say it. I would love to hear the author's explanation for why he did that....
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Read it! Then, read it again and watch your life improve.
By tmktms@aol.com
Patrick Means treds where the average Christian man has been trained not to go. Through frank testimony of personal moral failure, repentance, and redemption he allows the rest of us to see where the spiritual land mines are BEFORE we must cross the field.
Christian men have become accustomed to hearing impotent "just pray about it" advice for their struggles. We've learned to act as though everything is OK when inside we've been dying.
Means exposes the facade of modern Christian man for what it is -- a seemingly solid covering for a cancer of unresolved pain beneath. By honestly sharing his trials and temptations he catalogs his own journey to wholeness, while at the same time offering practical, solid advice for how we can do the same.
Come into your own as the man God created you to be -- don't settle for second best when an incredible blessing awaits. Men who are vulnerable, sharing their hurts with other men, are the true heroes of this world and the next.
Read the book! There's a new you inside.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Great Book!
By FatherOfTwo
This book is a real eye opener. I recommend it highly. As good as it is, any book, in my opinion, can really only be a good door. This book as well as other factors, has led to family counseling which is literally, by the grace of God, saving our marriage and family.
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