PDF Download Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, by Dr. David B. Hawkins
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Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, by Dr. David B. Hawkins
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What happens when a wife says, "I don't love you anymore?" What happens when a husband says he is going to move out? What does the partner do? How does he or she survive the devastation? Clinical psychologist Dr. David Hawkins offers heartbroken readers his straightforward yet sensitive wisdom for rebuilding their lives. He addresses the realities that reconciliation is not easy and may require separation first-or may not come at all. He helps readers work through their grief and the tough decisions ahead in order to heal their lives, whether or not their marriage is ultimately reconciled. Dr. Hawkins's trustworthy guidance offers compassion and hope to both partners in a failing relationship. Pastors and counselors will recommend this book to those facing this urgent yet rarely addressed struggle.
- Sales Rank: #1205124 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Revell
- Published on: 2005-04-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .67" h x 5.56" w x 8.48" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From the Back Cover
What happens when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Terrible words to hear . . . difficult words to say. But once they've been said, how do you cope? How do you live with the pain? How do you survive after your marriage breaks up? With empathy and wisdom, clinical psychologist Dr. David B. Hawkins can help you answer these heartbreaking questions. Offering readers straightforward yet sensitive wisdom for rebuilding their lives, Hawkins addresses the reality that separation is not easy and reconciliation may never happen. "Love lost and separations are painful," says Hawkins. "However you resolve this crisis, you are in the process of change." So no matter what your situation, there's hope and help for you in this book. It takes time and tears, but eventually you can heal, dream, and thrive again.
About the Author
Dr. David B. Hawkins regularly counsels hurting couples as a licensed clinical psychologist and social worker with a private practice in Chehalis, Washington. He teaches at Washington State University and has hosted radio and television broadcasts on abuse and domestic violence. He is the author of several books, including most recently Men Just Don't Get It, But They Can.
Most helpful customer reviews
34 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
Hawkins offers practical wisdom with candor and compassion
By FaithfulReader.com
Nothing is as heartbreaking as hearing your spouse say, "I don't love you anymore."
"I can hardly imagine any more excruciating words," says licensed clinical psychologist and social worker Dr. David Hawkins in his excellent book, LOVE LOST: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage. In this desperately needed book, Hawkins offers a roadmap for recovery for those who have separated, are reconciling, or divorcing, born of his experiences working with hurting couples. Most importantly, he walks the reader down the difficult road of acknowledging and grieving losses.
"What exactly happens when love unravels?" asks Hawkins. "Why is it so devastatingly painful?"
Hawkins avoids easy answers. There is no quick fix, no sugarcoating of the pain that will be endured. Marital separation means that spouses will endure a season of grief, of severe loss. "You will not be the same again." He doesn't pretend that all marriages will be healed and he refuses to sidestep the fact. Rather, he serves up a healthy portion of compassion, liberally salted with reality.
"As a small consolation, you should know that others have walked this path and survived," writes Hawkins. "You join many others who have wrestled with rejection and come away stronger than ever. You and your partner can, with diligence, focus on the problems, find solutions, and create a new life --- perhaps together, possibly not."
Hawkins gives the reader tools to survive the rollercoaster ups and downs of marital separation. Deftly, he weaves together the spiritual with the physical, emotional, and mental ramifications of trying to deal with a broken marriage. One bit of insight: "During divorce, 85 percent of your energy goes to emotional coping. The remaining 15 percent goes to the other areas combined. That's why, running low on spiritual energy, you have trouble praying; low on mental energy, you have trouble concentrating; low on physical energy, you feel exhausted."
As well as proffering his own hard-earned wisdom, he also mines other marital experts for their best material. Laudably, he's not afraid to counsel antidepressants if overwhelming stress causes a biochemical imbalance. He emphasizes healthy boundaries. He discusses how your church may not support your decision to separate or divorce, and why it is important to find an effective support network of faith. And he's frank about the attraction of sex while separated: our need for touch, for affirmation, for someone to tell us we're attractive. "Who can blame us for looking for an escape from agony? But ultimately, the only true escape is going through the grief with the Lord by your side."
Rather than rushing the reader to decisions, he emphasizes a time of waiting before action, a time of grieving our losses. "Although waiting goes against our natural instincts to scurry about and try to fix everything immediately, we need to allow ourselves time to be still to collect our thoughts," he writes. "Look to the Lord and in the quiet hear the loving voice that soothes and comforts." We have to sit with our grief before we can move forward.
His advice is down-to-earth. How do you move beyond anger? He offers concrete suggestions. What friends should I be vulnerable with? What about finances? How do I explain what's happening to my children? How much detail do I give my parents? Hawkins has a lovely way with words, and delivers his practical advice with verve and style. Subheads keep the text organized and specific areas of interest easy to locate. Hawkins's tone is always calm and unhurried.
Hawkins takes the concrete advice a step beyond just coping, and advises spiritual disciplines as well, such as making time for solitude and journaling. He also peppers his text with scenarios from his counseling practice, which personalizes the advice.
Despite the grief and despair of marital separation and divorce, there is light glimmering in the darkness. All of the difficulties endured will be redeemed, he believes. "One day you will know why life's events have occurred as they have," writes Hawkins, adding later, "The Lord uses all life experiences, even love lost, to refine our lives. He wants to see his reflection in us. Understanding and accepting this refining process can transform utter agony into a purposeful and rewarding struggle."
Those dealing with separation, reconciliation, divorce, or those who have a friend or loved one in this situation will find solid, practical advice here.
--- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Best I've Read
By Laurie DeHaas
I have read several books lately about divorce, and how to move past the hurt and start over. This is by far the best I have read. It is written from experience that was well documented along the way, and takes you through all the feelings you are experiencing and hits them right on! But gives reason beyond doubt that life will go on, and that you can live it expectantly, with joy, and find life after marriage. I recommend it to anyone going through a hurtful separation or divorce. Optimism and strength await you!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A Must Read
By G. S. Head
I would very much recommend this book for people trying to recover from a broken marriage. I think it covers the many confusing feelings you have going through this while offering help, suggestions and understanding of them. It's an easy read, but don't be confused with the simplicity of it. There are many pearls of widsom within.
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